I have always been that one person that never takes rejection kindly, but I appreciate someone who has the guts to tell me the truth, in any way. I’m big enough to handle the truth. Rejection happens to us in so many ways. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, smart, funny, charming, or awesome you are, there will be times when you meet people who just don’t see it.

If I could write a note to my younger self it would be “Don’t take it all so personally. You’re wonderful, and if someone else doesn’t see it, let it be their problem, not yours.” Unfortunately, my younger self didn’t get the memo and any type of rejection (especially from the opposite sex) would wreck havoc on my self-esteem.Those kinds of wounds can take a lifetime to heal and will inevitably carry over into your next relationship. If you end up in a place where you fear rejection, you’ll start to anticipate it and then you will be more likely to be rejected, thus confirming your initial prediction and affirming your belief that anyone you like won’t like you. This may pave the way for more rejection and on and on and on the vicious cycle goes on.

It took me a long time to learn to deal with rejection, and it is something that I still need to work on this day. The upside is that my experience and past pains have helped me develop certain skills and insights to deal with rejection while keeping my sense of self intact. The fact is, you can’t make everyone like you and you can’t make every guy find you attractive. There will be people who don’t get you or who don’t like your look but none of that matters. Most women have this inexplicable need to make every guy want them and then get upset when they find one who doesn’t and start to wonder what’s wrong with them.

When someone rejects us, most of us will immediately think there must be something intrinsically wrong with us, I mean, why else would he dismiss me? Yet oftentimes it has nothing to do with us. Maybe their life is overly complicated at the moment, maybe they’re overburdened, and maybe they are in a cynical place in their lives and are unable to see the good in others. I know it can feel really personal when someone rejects you…every supermodel was rejected by countless agencies before she found the one who saw her potential, beautiful women get rejected and cheated on, the smartest people don’t always get the job. Rejection is part of life for everyone, no matter how much you have going for you. You are setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary misery if you take it personally and think it has to be something about you.

Written by Jolene Tshakane