Voids.

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Hi.

I think you know me, I think you have heard of me, in fact I believe you have felt my presence when you longingly stare outside the window in the middle of the night hoping for a miracle. I am the thief that sneaks into your inner peace when the moon is full and the tide is high; drawing the blood from your comfort with such hunger and thirst unmoved by the screams of your laughter echoing in the distance. For I, for reasons even I cannot explain, am an enemy of happiness.

I have watched you fill your already empty vessel with new dreams and I laugh in the distance as I paint and picture all the colourful ways. I will murder each one of them, leaving nothing but a rotting reflection of shattered rainbows and golden pots of gold, watch you hold on to the last fragment of your dream before you wake and realise it was nothing more than sugar coated disaster.

I see you clinging on to the false replica of love, filling your blood thirsty vessel with doodles and I heart you on a faded and ashen scrape of paper stolen from your lovers nest. I had wished I could save you from yourself countless times, but I have no room within me that can show empathy to a mind helplessly screaming for an unknown saviour. I wish I could hug you but my very being is moulded from snow crystals, I know no warmth, therefore I cannot radiate light unto you.

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I have watched you cry deep into the night, hugging the stuffing of your once treasured teddy bear, as you sink deeper and deeper into the abyss I moulded specially for you. I have watched you fill your very being with clatters of remedies that will never let you truly escape, drowning in sexual pleasures and hoping the physical release will quite down the mental orgy playing out in your head. seen you seek out the warm embrace in toxic relations that will never blossom into anything other than the thorns they are, each leaving you further damaged and hanging more images of regrets in your haunted house. You have befriended the plastic cup filled with rotting grapes, thinking, the façade can be hidden behind the distant memory your nights have now become, singing lullaby’s in the shower hoping to wash off the pain that not only fills your heart but burn your very flesh.

Why do you keep going to therapy? What do you hope to achieve in sitting on a well-orchestrated room filled with mediocre paintings with a stranger asking you scripted question that have been tormenting you for months on end? Waking up each morning reciting pre-school phrases of “I am perfect, I am beautiful, I am strong”? I hold in my vomit as I watch you lie to yourself in the mirror with a faint smile forming across your lips, only for me to creep in and throw you just a little over the edge for my own amusement. Do you not tire of trying to be strong everyday only for me to fill your brain tiny termites of depression?? It is mindboggling how you are so oblivious to my continued efforts to break you further, to watch you cry and search for the cause of your sleepless nights. How you delve into self-harm in hopes to silence the voices screaming silently in your head.

I want to apologise, for the fact that I cannot let you go. I cannot let you rediscover yourself and find happiness, I take pleasure in you being lost in the noise of your own wishes and thoughts of redemption. I look forward to witnessing the hopeless attempts of those around you as they try to bring you back from the deep end, I am fuelled by the desire to keep you trapped in the hell that is your own thoughts, it’s a shame that I have to kill your spirit so I may survive.

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I am that emptiness inside of you, that lonely hour horror movie that is on repeat in your head. I am that voice prompting you to drag yourself through the fields of depression and worry, that little space inside of you that tub filled chocolate ice-creams and burgers cannot fill. That liquor and ecstasy cannot keep you high enough to forget, that little drug that spikes your emotions without warning, and you spend hours begging for mercy from a distant god. Every day I fuel your depression, I fill your eyes with sweet tears and leave your heart longing for something real. I cannot apologise for my nature.

When you wake up in the morning, and the birds annoy your eardrums and the sunlight beckons you to pull the covers closer and weep. When your mind fills itself with an alternate reality where you are happy and you aren’t trapped in if’s and maybe, remember, I am there. When you find a glimmer of hope in the blossoming flowers of spring and the warmth of your mate and family; I will be there, lingering in the shadows of your heart, ready to chip away at every ounce of hope you try to fill yourself with. For suffering is all I can embrace you with, I am the void that you cannot escape.

Written by Amogelang Lekwadu.

Photography by Bellah Mohitlhi.

 

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Visual Awakening: Screen Your Imagination hosted by Artizens of Joburg & IMSurreal Live.

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Visual Awakening | Screen Your Imagination

Visual Awakening #ScreenYourImagination was the first screening hosted by IMSurreal Live and Artizens of Joburg at M Studio Community. This gathering brought together a community of young budding filmmakers with a shared passion for a whole new world of visuals. The night featured performances by Slabsta and Iindirhe, and facilitator’s Amogelang Lekwadu and Nthabeleng Masudubele kept the audience engaged.

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Nthabeleng Masudubele. 

As you walk into M Studio Communities showroom you are welcomed by eye capturing contemporary art, with Visuals projected onto the wall.

The programme started out with the screening of La Voyage by BlaqNWhyte Pictures, which follows the story of an upcoming Visual Artist Levoy Dlamini and his journey in the contemporary art world in South Africa’s Art Industry. This documentary sparked a conversation around the landscape of the business of art in South Africa. The second film Sophiatown was a student production led by Ray Manzana, the film is a coming of age story that follows a young man’s journey from rural life to urban locations, and the culture shock that follows.

The second half of the screening was opened by Creation produced by Onndisa Sengani, a sci-fi film that poses the question, Is love something that humans can create? The film challanges the technological era and its ability to manufacture human characteristics and emotions. The closing film was Mercy produced by  King, It tells a story of a victim and a perpetrator in a post-apartheid South Africa in a fragile present day when the side-effects affect both parties differently.

Be on the lookout for more exciting events for the visual community by Screen Your Imagination.

Watch video -> Visual Awakening | Screen Your Imagination.

 

Vision Feminine | Screen Your Imagination.

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Vision Feminine – (The vision of the feminine) female narratives that shine a light on female stories which are told by women.

This is the second screening by Screen Your Imagination Film Club hosted by Artizens of Joburg And IMSurreal Live.

This womens month we aim to give a platform to women in film and television, on screen and behind the scenes. This platform encourages equality and female empowerment in the film and TV landscape.

Join us on the 26th August as we discover the new generation of women in film and television.

4 De Beer Street, Braamfontein
15h00 – 20h00
RSVP : screenyourimagination@gmail.com
(No RSVP, R20 at entrance).

 

Hip Hop Cares VI #SoCool.

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On the 1st of July 2017, we took a trip back to the home of the Hip Hop Cares Foundation, Limpopo Burgersfort for Hip Hop Cares VI which was hosted by Slabsta and Tshepang Gosebo Mokgari. We caught up with the Founder Dizz Kekana and he explained the importance of hip hop music and giving back to the community.

HHCVI-40“Our charity foundation draws its power from hip hop and thats how important and relevant it is to culture. The capacity the artform has to bring people together. Hip hop cares VI #socool is about affirming the way of life that is hip hop.” – Dizz Kekana

The night was filled with performances by local talents, Fess, Immo Kid, Pearly Hooks, Turm, Ab Stun and many more.

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In an effort to preserve hip hop culture, this event featured a top 8 Rap battle with a grand prize of R1000. The rap battle featured, Oz, Monster Saint, King Solomon, Classic, Krazy H and Junior. After rounds of heated battles Junior emerged the King of bars and flows winning 1st place.

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You have to admire the foundations tireless efforts to consistently shine a light on Hip Hop and drawing positivity out of the contervisail culture.

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Watch video -> Hip Hop Cares VI #SoCool.

Negativity Diet II: Positive Thinking.

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Following a piece that I wrote about going on a negativity diet, I thought let me share the power of positive thinking.

One of the most important keys to living a great life is to always stay positive no matter what happens in life. This is especially important if you are seeking higher success, you cannot move forward and go on to achieve your goals if you stay in a negative state. Negativity will drag you down and stop you from moving to a higher ground.

Positive thinking sounds useful on the surface. (Most of us would prefer to be positive rather than negative) but then again, positive thinking is also a soft and fluffy term that is easy to dismiss. In the real world, it rarely carries the same weight as words like “work ethic” or “persistence” but those views may be changing.

Positive thinking is about much more than just being happy or displaying an upbeat attitude. Positive thoughts can actually create real value in your life and help you build skills that last much longer than a smile. The benefits of positive emotions don’t stop after a few minutes of good feelings subside. In fact the biggest benefit that positive emotions provide is an enhanced ability to build skills and develop resources for use later in life. In other words, when you are experiencing positive emotions like joy, contentment and love, you will see more possibilities in your life. These findings were among the first that proved that positive emotions broaden your sense of possibility and open up your mind to more various options.

In conclusion, seek joy, play often and pursue adventure. Your brain will do the rest.

Written by Jeanette Tshakane.