I am the type of person who likes to take simple conversation into consideration. I recently met up with an old friend over luncheon and we started catching up. The conversation started with “how have you been?” to “where is your man?” all she could say is I don’t do commitments, I am in love with a guy who is not here to stay. She went on with the conversation on how they met and so forth. Along our conversation, I got to realize that, while the guy cannot give her promises of “happily ever after,” every minute they spend together is filled with depth and shared vulnerability, perhaps with a good dose of laughter, tears and silliness.
In observing everything she has been saying, a question has been spinning in my mind. How long will she stay in a relationship that has no future? It is more like wasting your time… and in my search for the answer, this is what I’ve discovered to be true for myself. To love is one thing, to be in a relationship is another, they are two separate things. When we feel the warm sensation of love in our hearts, that cosy feelings of a deep connection to all things, of being wide open and touched by life, we sometimes forget that we are the one who created those feelings. That feelings of love is generated from within us.
We human beings have been blessed with the divine capacity to love everyone and everything, so that we can requisitely discern whom to partner with in a relationship. That we love someone, does not necessarily mean that it is healthy or beneficial for us both to be in a relationship. That it works for us to be together now, does not necessarily mean it’ll work for us to be together forever. The bilateral talks with my old friend got me into new life perspective, the epiphany comes when I realize that there is no need for any more shame, self-blame or berating in staying in a relationship that has no particular future. We stay in a relationship, until we choose not to. We are together, until we are not. Perhaps there are lessons this particular relationship offers. Perhaps this is exactly what we need to experience right now. We all choose what we want, not attaching meaning to the relationship status let her off the hook and grants her the spaciousness to just be. A relationship’s success is not defined by its length. I also feel that we should enjoy moments with our partners, whilst they are there and choose to walk away when it occurs to us.
Written by Jeanette Tshakane